The Many Names of Mother

My mother passed away 11 Mothers' Days ago. I miss her with all my heart! She had Alzheimer’s Disease. No one deserves to have that horrible disease, and my mother was no exception. As she became more involved with the disease her world became smaller and smaller until it was a room in a nursing home where she could stare out a window. What she was seeing, what she was hearing, what she was thinking, what she was feeling, no one really knew. She seemed to communicate with her grandson the best. He was her delight and the feeling was mutual. He also lived closest to her and he saw her everyday in her little room that had a few family pictures and mementos harkening back to a time when she was vibrant and alive and hopeful.

As my mother’s world was diminishing to that tiny room, we noticed that she did not know her name anymore. It happened slowly. One day I said “Mom” and she turned around and asked, “Who is that?” That’s when it dawned on me that that my mother had a lot of names and in her state of confusion, she really did not know who she was. Was she living in a time warp, where her father and mother were still alive? Did she think she was now a child? Or, was she living in the “here and now” with a husband, children, grandchildren and friends? We did not know. She could not tell us!

That’s when I started to chronicle all the names my mother had been called over her lifetime. Her parents called her baby and Helen, and daughter. Her sisters called her ShaSha (a leftover from when they were girls and the youngest sister could not say “sister” and “shasha” came out). My sister and I called her Mom or Mother or Mommy. Her grandchildren called her Mommy Helen. Her husband of 59 years called her Hon or Honey. Her brother in law called her “Hel” (that is pronounced with a short “L” not Hellllll but Hel). Sometimes she was called Mrs. G, or maybe even Miss W. Her friends called her Helen. It was no wonder that she was confused. As her life passed by her she had several different identities; and now she was 81, sick with Alzheimer’s and confused. She did not know her name.

As a family we decided that we would call her by the name she seemed to recognize and that was Mommy Helen. No matter the relationship, she became “Mommy Helen.” We started doing this and the vacant stare that was on her face would show a bit of light. Was it recognition of her name? I hope it meant that she was thinking of her grandchildren and children that would cause that “smile.”

So on this Mother’s Day, I’m thinking of Mommy Helen and wishing her wonderful thoughts. I’ve been meaning to write this story for 11 years, and I’ve not been able to do it. I’m still not able to do it without shedding tears. She never heard us say good-bye to her, as she suffered a stroke that left her in a coma and three days later she slipped away to a happier place. The stroke was a blessing because Mommy Helen never wanted to be confined to a small room decorated with the trinkets of her life!